But they got into it that first night and joined in and have been a part of it ever since."We all pretty much agree that we could accept in another couple if you guys were interested. We could even do a trial run tonight, right now, if you wanted?" Mark said and Tyler looked over at me raising his eyebrows, more or less leaving it up to me."Sure, you can watch us and if you don't want to join in, we can just leave it at that, okay?" Denise told us.Tyler looked at me and I told him we could stay if he wanted to and Mark got up and left the room, coming back in a few minutes with a couple of towels and a bottle of lube.It was about four months after Tyler and I got married when he brought out a bottle of personal lubricant to use for our sex. I was still so hung-up on things that I never really thought about sex when I knew we were going to have it, I never prepared myself mentally and emotionally so I wasn't nice and juicy like I am these days. The lube made things so much better and. That's because everything small memory you've over analyzed hits you across the face over and over. You're constantly hating yourself because this one person was so important to you and now she's gone. “I should've done..” “Why was I so..” “No wonder she doesn't..” Those thoughts are toxic and seizes up your body.When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you get so ******* close to hating them. You hate that they've ripped you open, eaten you up and have left you to decay. You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't all good. And the things they stole. Like crying on their shoulders which they gave, but your pride they took.When you're in love with someone for the first time and they don't love you back, you never want to fall in love again. You never want attachments with anyone because of this substantial pain that is constantly there. You never want to kiss with.
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